Its Time I Did

It's Time I Did If there’s a project or something big to do over the weekend, then you work out with your child how to budget his time. He may have to put some time in on Saturday or Sunday during the day. But other than that, your child should have the weekend off too, just like adults do. Don’t assume that your child knows how to manage her time effectively. As adults, we sometimes take for granted the habits we have spent a lifetime developing and forget that our kids are not there yet. They let everybody learn from each other and tease out confusing concepts together. But if your study group is also your social hour, find another place to do homework. Friends can be the worst causes of procrastination, so realize when your group is not being productive and either steer it back on course or get out of there. Nobody learns very well when they’re exhausted. If you get the system right, things tend to fall into place. If the homework struggles you experience are part of a larger pattern of acting out behavior, then the child is resisting to get power over you. He intends to do what he wants to do when he wants to do it, and homework just becomes another battlefield. And, as on any other battlefield, parents can use tactics that succeed or tactics that fail. Just don’t take away this privilege for more than a day as your child will have no incentive to do better the next time. The appropriate parental response to not meeting a responsibility is a consequence, not a bribe. If you bribe your child to do his homework or to do anything else that is an expected responsibility then your child will come to expect something extra just for behaving appropriately. Bribes undermine your parental authority as kids learn that they can get things from you by threatening bad behavior. Remember, you don’t have to attend every argument you’re invited to. If your child refuses to do his or her work, then calmly give the consequence that you established for not doing homework. And the next day, your child gets to try again to earn the privilege of electronics. Short-term consequences like this are very effective. For many parents, getting their kids to do their homework is a nightly struggle. Others claim that they don’t have homework, but then the report card comes out and you realize that their work was not being done. Once they accept that, you’ve already won half the battle. Accordingly, my first few tips are around setting up this system. For many kids who are slow starters, hurdle help is very effective. This doesn’t mean you are doing their homework for themâ€"this is simply extra help designed to get them going on their own. Show your child empathyâ€"how many of us truly enjoyed homework every night? But your child will be encouraged when he begins to have success with his work. Don’t argue about the right answer for the math problem or the right way to do the geography quiz. If you get frustrated and start yelling and screaming at your child, this sets a negative tone and won’t help them get the work done. It’s better to walk away than it is to engage in an argument, even when you are just trying to be helpful. Say this in a supportive way with a smile on your face. Again, it’s important not to get sucked into fights with your child. If you can hold to this rule once and deal with the complaining then next week the homework will be done. Believe me, this is a highly effective consequence for kids because it creates a great incentive to get their work done. Indeed, each minute they’re doing homework is a minute they could be hanging out with friends or playing video games. For a lot of kids, sending them to their rooms to do their homework is a mistake. Many children need your presence to stay focused and disciplined. And they need to be away from the stuff in their rooms that can distract them. A major part of getting your child to do her homework lies in establishing a system so that your child comes to see that homework is just a regular part of home life.